Secrets

This is a PostSecret image which I love but didn't create.

“The best way to keep a secret?  Keep it to yourself.  Second best?  Tell one other person – if you must.  There is no third best.” ~ Rule #4; Leroy Jethro Gibbs, NCIS.

Everybody has secrets.  Some people have little secrets.  Some people have big secrets.  Some secrets are fun, and others are devastating.  Sometimes, we don’t tell secrets because we’re afraid to be discovered, or because we don’t want to hurt anybody.  Other times, we don’t tell our secrets because they are better if left until a certain time.  One way or another, there isn’t a single person in the world who doesn’t have a secret.

There is a point in the life of every secret when it needs to come out.  Even if only to one person (and if we are to believe Gibbs, one is more than enough).  Secrets live inside of us.  They torment us.  The good ones nag, begging to come out and share the excitement.  The bad ones tell us negatives about ourselves time and time again until we start to believe them.  Believe that we can never love because we had a perfect person and let them slip away.  Believe that we don’t deserve to live, because we are careless and keep hurting other people; because we let someone else die.  Believe that we are selfish because we keep inconveniencing people, even accidentally.  These bad secrets are not healthy to keep to ourselves.

Lying is creating a bad secret.  It’s a double whammy.  Number one:  you’re hiding the truth from someone, keeping it secret.  Number two:  you’ve created a new secret:  that thing you just said was a lie.  It doesn’t matter if it was a whopper of a lie or a little white lie:  eventually, they all weigh on our conscience.  We begin to identify ourselves by the lies, crafting ourselves into liars.  Good liars keep the story straight, bad lairs say whatever they need to in order to divert the truth.  Why?  Lying is a defense mechanism.  We are trying to hide ourselves.  The people we don’t feel the need to lie to are those we find non-threatening.  That’s why people so often lie to their family and friends while the need to lie to a perfect stranger is less so:  our families and friends have a power over us that keeps us in fear of them learning too much, learning what they aren’t supposed to know.  Family and friends judge us (even if unintentionally) every single day.  If they could see us – raw, vulnerable – then what would we do?  But a perfect stranger?  We’ll never see them again, most likely.

The internet phenomenon PostSecret has given so many people a release.  Anonymously, people are able to release their secrets and lift a small amount of the burden off their shoulders.  Most of those people probably still  lie to the people around them about their secret, but knowing that someone out there knows the truth… that helps.  That’s why PostSecret is so popular.  I’ve never sent a postcard to PostSecret.  I’ve never created my “secret postcard” or what have you.  I have friends who  have released little secrets and created images on MS Paint to go with them, but I don’t even know anyone who has mailed PostSecret.  All I know is that it’s caused a change in the world.  Millions of people log on to see the secrets.  Millions of people send in Secrets.  There are books now, compilations of people’s secrets.  It’s exciting, relieving, interesting to see your secret posted online or in a book, regardless of whether or not you sent the postcard.

There’s something wonderful about knowing that you are not alone.

The next step is letting the secret go.  Having a confidant that you can trust.  I know I, personally, don’t have one of those, but I’m trying to learn.  I’m not trying to preach here- I can tell you honestly that I am a world-class liar and a hypocrite… but I’m trying to learn and improve.  I have, as of late, seen lies and secrets alike tear apart people because they can’t tell the truth.  Some days, I’m one of those people.  I’m sure everyone is, on one day or another.  Because we can’t tell the secret; we don’t know how, or we don’t know who.  So we bottle it up inside and it destroys us.

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News TodayIn the News Today: Is it terrible that I keep hearing about the oil spill in the Gulf and instead of going Eco!Friendly, I immediately dread future gas prices?  … Trying to do my part by suggesting people not take plastic bags at work!  …  Not that it will help any, but my heart’s in the right place, sort of.  Had a customer yesterday mention that there is so much plastic around us.  It’s so true!  If we could cut down on plastic and start using woods and metals again, that would save so much petro!

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Health ReportHealth Report: I ate breakfast this morning like a good girl:  scrambled eggs with cheese and a slice of toast.  Nothing since, and every time I’ve felt hungry, I’ve been drinking water.  I remember reading somewhere once that half the time when people eat, they’re not hungry, they’re thirsty.  I know we’re supposed to drink, what?  Eight glasses of water a day?  I definitely don’t drink that much.  So.  Trying to drink more, eat less.  The scale is still a solid 140lb, though.  I should probably stop obsessively weighing myself every day, since I know I won’t see a change overnight.  I’m thinking a Buffalo Chicken sandwich from Subway tonight.  Probably not the healthiest thing in the world, but I’m also trying to keep in mind that I need to intake 2000 calories to live.

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Social LifeSocial Life: No plans this week, which is actually a relief.  I have a performance with the ActingOut kids this afternoon for Vision 20/20, which is this thing where a bunch of people in my county are getting together and trying to innovate changes to have a healthier community by the year 2020.  That’ll be good, I hope. Sometimes the kids make me smile. Other times, they make me want to cry.

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Schoolhouse RockSchoolhouse Rock: Grades are in.  I’m sitting on two As, one AB, and a B.  That puts my GPA at about 3.62, about the same as last semester.  Thank goodness.  I couldn’t bear to have it go down.  I know, people say they don’t understand my obsession with grades.  Part of it is competitive.  The other part is me freaking out about financial aid.  I’m not ungrateful, honest to goodness, but there’s always room for improvement.

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Random SqueeRandom Squee: I exchanged my Mario Party 8 game yesterday and the new one works – yeehaw!  I’m still incredibly bad at it, but it’s fun.

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something to think about

"You know, I don't know if you'll understand this or not, but sometimes, even when I'm feeling very low, I'll see some little thing that will somehow renew my faith. Something like that leaf, for instance - clinging to its tree despite wind and storm. You know, that makes me think that courage and tenacity are about the greatest values a man can have. Suddenly my old confidence is back and I know things aren't half as bad as I make them out to be. Suddenly I know that with the strength of his convictions a man can move mountains, and I can proceed with full confidence in the basic goodness of my fellow man. I know that now. I know it." ~ End of Act I in the musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

competing for the house cup

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