Relationship Rant, Part II

I recently posted a piece written by a friend of mine a few years ago regarding the male approach to a relationship.  Lately, I have been watching an… interaction, for the want of a better word, between a couple acquaintances of mine, and I feel the need to address the other side of a relationship, the gender that Shane didn’t cover:  the all elusive female, and their personal relations to the male.

First of all, I would like to state that these things are my opinions and observations.  Someone else’s view may be entirely different than mine.  Everyone is an individual and this is not an all-seeing guide to the universe.


The gender roles are changing and more and more, girls are asking guys out, instead of the all-traditional, sit-around-and-hope-he-gets-a-clue method.  This is a terrifying new world for us women, it’s certainly empowering (no more of that “get in the kitchen and make me a sammich, woman!” bull).  But like it or not, we still don’t understand.  Or, at least, we don’t understand them nearly as well as we like to think we do.  And we’re content to be coy and tease.  Girls, believe it or not… that breaks hearts.  A little bit of advice to my gender.

  1. Be honest with him.  If you can’t tell him the truth, you shouldn’t be dating him.  And yes, that includes telling him that he’s not your type (cliched, don’t use that).  Don’t ever, ever tell a guy that you want to go out with him sometimes when you don’t.  Rejection is preferable to tease and rejection.  After all, how would you feel if you found out someone agreed to date you because they either felt bad for you or were too nice to say no?  …  Feel that self-esteem slipping yet?
  2. Don’t cheat.  Really.  Just because you think he may have done it first doesn’t give you the right to do it too.  Be the big person, dump his ass, and get on with your life.
  3. Don’t go after someone else’s boyfriend.  Ever.  Don’t even think about it.  Really, nobody likes the Devil in a Red Dress.  The DinRD (Devil in a Red Dress) gets a reputation, and most girlfriends will dump their boyfriend if they see someone associating with her too often.  Don’t be that housewrecker.  Keep your dignity and morality.  Why?  Two reasons.  One, he’s not the last man on earth, for Christ’s sake, you’ll find someone else.  Two?  If you really cared about him and could see he was happy as he was, then you wouldn’t be trying to destroy his happiness for a selfish pursuit.
  4. Flirting on purpose with other people in front of your significant other?  Not cool.  Invoking jealousy is always a bad idea.  May also lead you do fall into the DiaRD reputation.
  5. No means no.  This applies to rejections and break-ups.  I don’t care whose idea it was.  If he says “I’m just not that into you” chances are he’s not going to change his mind any time soon and you hanging like a lemur on his arm is going to drive him away, instead of pulling him forward.  If you were in a relationship and broke it off, that’s it.  You’re done, finished, got it?  You had your chance for snuggling and kisses and back massages.  You told him he “wasn’t your type”.  If you can’t take his vices, you don’t get the benefits either.  Failure to adhere to this rule leads to the position of becoming a DiaRD.
  6. For the love of God, stop complaining about being fat.  Every single girl (myself included) needs to work on this one.  Honey, let me tell you something.  If he thinks you’re fat, he’ll tell you.  If he breaks up with you because you’re fat, he’s not worth your time.  If you are fat and he doesn’t say anything about it, he likes fat women, embrace it.  If he says you’re not fat, he means it.  If he compliments how good you look and you say you’re fat, you’ll never get a compliment again.  So.  For goodness sake.  If you think you’re fat, get off the computer, run a couple miles, and stop complaining to him about it.
  7. Men are not all masochistic beasts.  If all the ones you’ve ever met are, that’s rather unfortunate for you.  However, most the ones I know are teddy bears, and they have hearts and souls, too (the men, not teddy bears) and they feel just as deeply as you do.  Walking all over them, cheating on them, and doing other emotionally destructive things actually do hurt them.
  8. People say chivalry is dead.  It’s not.  It’s gone underground.  If he likes to open the door for you, let him do it every once and a while.  He’s not opening the door because he thinks you’re incapable of doing it yourself.  He’s doing it because he respects you and he’s humbling himself to you in that way.  It’s a compliment.  Take it
  9. Show him that you trust him.  And no.  I’m not talking about sex or anything like that.  I mean don’t be afraid to tell him secrets (or the truth!  See #1) and don’t be afraid to let him hang out with other people when you’re not around, especially (gasp!) other girls.  How would you like it if he cut you off from all your male friends?  It’s not fair.
  10. Know what you’re getting into .  Don’t just hook up without doing your research.  Randomly meet this guy on vacation and decide to hook up with him even though you can’t pronounce his last name?  Probably not a good idea.  Long distance relationships will take more effort than close distance.  Some people need more love and attention than others.  Some people will need space.  Know the type of person you’re going to be getting into a relationship with before you do it.  It will save broken hearts.

Those are ten suggestions and observations.  I know there are more.  Feel free to comment and add your own two-cents!


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something to think about

"You know, I don't know if you'll understand this or not, but sometimes, even when I'm feeling very low, I'll see some little thing that will somehow renew my faith. Something like that leaf, for instance - clinging to its tree despite wind and storm. You know, that makes me think that courage and tenacity are about the greatest values a man can have. Suddenly my old confidence is back and I know things aren't half as bad as I make them out to be. Suddenly I know that with the strength of his convictions a man can move mountains, and I can proceed with full confidence in the basic goodness of my fellow man. I know that now. I know it." ~ End of Act I in the musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

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