And your Bird Can Sing

Angela and David drawing/vandilising in Gilette 248

“What is a friend?  A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ~ Aristotle.

Good morning, great big beautiful world!  I woke up with the sun blaring in my face this morning, something that would make most people grimace, roll over, and shut the curtain, but not me!  … I actually threw my comforter over my head and went back to sleep… but I didn’t close the curtain or grimace or anything or the sort.  I believe my first thought was:  “Oh, it’s sunny out.  Someone at work told me it was supposed to rain.  So much for that.”  I’m such a chipper morning person.  I’m pretty sure the rest of the civilised world hates me for that.  I would have you know that the curtain is still open, the sun is still shining in my face, and I’m okay with that.  I did shut my window though.  Not because it was cold, but because there was this ruddy bird outside making an incredibly loud clicking noise.  I listened patiently for about three hours, I really did, but it didn’t stop and it’s singing didn’t improve (or rhythm change, for that matter) so I was forced to take drastic measures.

I love the peacefulness of mornings.  I think I’m a morning person out of necessity.  You see, even when they’re up early, my parents aren’t up until 8am or 9am.  If I get up at 6am, that gives me a minimum of two hours of solitude and bliss.  At night, my dad is sometimes awake until 2am, watching television really loud.  That gives me a headache, and makes me irritable.  So mornings are really the times for me.  They’re times when I can sit by myself, without interruption, and think to myself about the world, or get some writing done.  This morning isn’t all that peaceful, because my father is up, but usually… usually they’re great.

Sammy mentioned something in her blog entry that I absolutely need to concur with, and that is… I really miss Sean.  And I don’t really know why.  Sean is a conundrum to me.  I’ve always liked him as a human being, I wasn’t really friends with him until… two weeks ago?  Or so?  I mean, I considered him a friend, but I never talked to him.  I don’t know why.  I just didn’t.  And then I talked to him until 4am.  And then the next day I stayed up talking all night to him.  I don’t know why.  I just didn’t want to stop talking.  And he didn’t tell me to, even though I told him if at any time he wanted to go to sleep, it was okay.  God knows, I would’ve fallen asleep!  For some reason I trust him.  And I just don’t trust… people.  The fact that I do feel the need to tell him things makes me uneasy.  And sometimes, of course, he makes me mad, because he’s incredibly cocky.  He knows he’s cocky, of course, and sees it as a non-issue.  I feel like sitting down and making him watch Camelot (the musical, starring Richard Harris), and every time Lancelot appears on screen, jumping up and flailing and saying, “See!  See! That’s you!” because Lancelot is practically perfect in every way except he’s so damn full of himself!  But I digress.

I miss him, because he’s someone I enjoy talking to, and knowing that I can talk to him kind of makes me happy.  Since I’ve come back from New York, I’ve had issues making friends.  Yeah, sure, there are people but they’re not really friends.  There are too many things about a lot of the people I know to keep me from wanting to get close to them.  Intense alcoholism being one of them (I don’t care what they say; it’s still alcoholism in college).  An overprotective, jealous boyfriend being the other.  I’ve never been one to have a huge group of friends (I’d rather have a few good friends than a bunch of superficial jerks) but I find I’m in an awkward position here.  I don’t drink… which pretty much kicks me outta the college community.  So much for finding a lot of good friends there.  And then, I like a lot of the high-schoolers I work with, but I’m between three and six years older than them.  If we all were fifty, that would be a non-issue, but I’m twenty and some of them are fourteen.  It makes parents uneasy.  So I get to float in this sort of awkward realm.  I still have friends from high school (sure, we see each other once a year at Christmastime) and New York (I talk to Vil a lot, but all the rest just kind of pop up when it’s convenient.  I don’t love them any less for it, but it makes me sad.  I miss them… but with a lot of them, the ball isn’t in my court.  And the ones who want to talk to me are usually the high-maintenance ones who bring me down.  I still love them… but they make me hate life and that’s not cool.

Nonetheless!  This is not supposed to be a pity-party-post!  I am in a grand mood this morning, despite the fact that I have to go to work.  As few as they are, I love my friends, every single one of them.  I care about them like siblings.  Having so few people I really adore and trust here makes me care all the more about the ones I have.  I think that may be why I miss Sean so much.  But Eric says he’s coming back on … … today, I actually think!  That makes me happy.

And I am wearing a new necklace today.  It’s handcrafted silver and malachite, metalwork that I couldn’t begin to do.  It’s lovely, and I paid too much for it, but I think it was worth it.  It’s very pretty and it makes me happy.


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something to think about

"You know, I don't know if you'll understand this or not, but sometimes, even when I'm feeling very low, I'll see some little thing that will somehow renew my faith. Something like that leaf, for instance - clinging to its tree despite wind and storm. You know, that makes me think that courage and tenacity are about the greatest values a man can have. Suddenly my old confidence is back and I know things aren't half as bad as I make them out to be. Suddenly I know that with the strength of his convictions a man can move mountains, and I can proceed with full confidence in the basic goodness of my fellow man. I know that now. I know it." ~ End of Act I in the musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

competing for the house cup

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